Pouring out your soul
A teaching for mothers · 1 Samuel 1:11–18
11And she made a vow, pleading, “O LORD of Hosts, if only You will look upon the affliction of Your maidservant and remember me, not forgetting Your maidservant but giving her a son, then I will dedicate him to the LORD all the days of his life, and no razor shall ever come over his head.” 12As Hannah kept on praying before the LORD, Eli watched her mouth. 13Hannah was praying in her heart, and though her lips were moving, her voice could not be heard. So Eli thought she was drunk 14and said to her, “How long will you be drunk? Put away your wine!” 15“No, my lord,” Hannah replied. “I am a woman oppressed in spirit. I have not had any wine or strong drink, but I have poured out my soul before the LORD. 16Do not take your servant for a wicked woman; for all this time I have been praying out of the depth of my anguish and grief.” 17“Go in peace,” Eli replied, “and may the God of Israel grant the petition you have asked of Him.” 18“May your maidservant find favor with you,” said Hannah. Then she went on her way, and she began eating again, and her face was no longer downcast.
Context
Hannah was one of Elkanah’s two wives and had no children, while the other, Peninnah, provoked her year after year (1 Samuel 1:6–7). In the time of the judges, being childless was seen as a disgrace. On the yearly visit to the sanctuary at Shiloh, Hannah goes to pray alone, and the priest Eli watches her from a distance and misjudges her. The boy born from that prayer was Samuel, the prophet who would anoint Israel’s first kings.
What the Bible teaches
Hannah’s prayer isn’t pretty. She “wept with many tears,” her lips move without sound, and the priest thinks she’s drunk. Her answer to Eli is one of the best definitions of prayer in the Bible: “I have poured out my soul before the LORD.” Many mothers think they need to be tidy on the inside in order to pray. God welcomes the untidy prayer.
Hannah prayed for a son who didn’t exist yet and promised to give him to God. After Samuel was born, she said: “I prayed for this boy” (v. 27). Praying for our children is, at heart, recognizing that they aren’t our property. We ask, we care for them, and we give them back to God each day, knowing their lives have a purpose bigger than our plans.
Verse 18 holds a subtle detail: Hannah leaves, eats, and “her face was no longer downcast,” even before she became pregnant. Prayer changed the mother first, then the circumstances. This text also embraces those who long for children and don’t have them, and those who have lost a child: God hears that weeping, even when the answer is different from the one Hannah received.
In practice
Choose a fixed place and time (it can be in the shower or on the way to work) and, for seven days, talk to God with complete honesty about each child: fears, tiredness and dreams.
To talk about
When you’re really distressed, what helps you talk to God for real?
Prayer
Lord, I pour out my soul before you, with all my fear and all my hope. My children are yours before they are mine. Receive my untidy prayer and change my heart first. Amen.
See also: Hannah.