Family · for wives

Submission that begins mutual

A teaching for wives · Ephesians 5:21–24

²¹Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. ²²Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. ²³For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, His body, of which He is the Savior. ²⁴Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

Ephesians 5:21–24 · BSB

Context

This instruction doesn’t begin in v. 22. It grows out of v. 18, be filled with the Spirit, and flows into v. 21: everyone submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. In the original Greek, v. 22 doesn’t even have its own verb; it borrows the verb from v. 21. Paul writes to households where a woman had almost no voice, and even so he addresses her directly, as someone who chooses before God.

What the Bible teaches

Before saying a word to wives, Paul speaks to the whole church: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Submission, in the Bible, isn’t inferiority; it’s the free willingness to put the other’s good ahead of your own. Jesus is the greatest example: He submitted to the Father without being less than the Father. That’s why submission isn’t something a husband demands; it’s something a wife offers, as to the Lord.

And that as to the Lord also marks the limit. No wife should obey what Christ forbids: lying, covering up a crime, accepting humiliation, taking part in what degrades her. The in everything of v. 24 fits inside a love that looks like Christ’s. So much so that, in v. 25, Paul requires of the husband a love that goes all the way to the cross, and in v. 33 asks of the wife respect, not fear.

In practice, mutual submission shows up in decisions talked through together, in listening before disagreeing, in supporting in public and disagreeing respectfully in private. For a wife married to someone who doesn’t believe, or who is far from this ideal, the call is still reverence for Christ: she answers to God first.

Take care: Biblical submission never includes accepting violence, threats, humiliation or control over your money, your body or your friendships. Stepping away to protect yourself is neither sin nor a lack of faith. Ligue 180 (Brazil; Women’s Assistance Center) or 190 (Brazil) in an emergency; if children are at risk, Disque 100 (Brazil).

In practice

Choose a pending household decision and talk it over until both of you have spoken and felt heard, before deciding.

To talk about

In our home, what does it mean in practice to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ?

Prayer

Lord Jesus, you became a servant without ceasing to be Lord. Teach me to honor my husband out of love for you, in freedom and not in fear. Give us a home where both submit to each other and where you are the center. Amen.

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