Family · for couples

When only one believes

A teaching for couples · 1 Corinthians 7:12–16

¹²To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If a brother has an unbelieving wife and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. ¹³And if a woman has an unbelieving husband and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. ¹⁴For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his believing wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. ¹⁵But if the unbeliever leaves, let him go. The believing brother or sister is not bound in such cases. God has called you to live in peace. ¹⁶How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

1 Corinthians 7:12–16 · BSB

Context

The Corinthians had asked Paul about several questions on marriage. Some Christians married to people who did not believe in Jesus wondered whether their faith required them to separate, as if the spouse defiled the home. Paul distinguishes what Jesus taught directly from what he himself advises as an apostle, and here he answers a case Jesus had not addressed.

What the Bible teaches

Paul’s answer runs against fear: if the unbelieving spouse is willing to live together, don’t leave. And he gives the reason: “the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his believing wife.” This doesn’t mean he is automatically saved; it means the home is not made unclean. The presence of the one who believes makes that home a place where God is at work, including in the children’s lives.

Paul, however, is realistic. If the unbeliever decides to leave, the believer is not bound, because “God has called you to live in peace.” And he asks: how do you know whether you will save your spouse? No one converts anyone. This lifts an impossible weight off the believer and puts it back in its right place: faithfulness, prayer and trust in God.

Peter, writing to wives whose husbands do not obey the word, says they can be won over “without words,” by observing their pure and reverent conduct (1 Peter 3:1–2). In practice: less preaching and more living; respect for the other’s conscience; taking part in church without turning faith into a contest; honoring your spouse in front of the children. None of this, however, asks anyone to accept humiliation or violence to keep the peace.

Take care: Submission in the Bible never includes accepting aggression, threats or humiliation. If faith, or any other reason, is used to control or hurt you, get help: Ligue 180 (Brazil; women’s helpline), Disque 100 (Brazil) if children are at risk, and 190 (Brazil) in an emergency.

In practice

This week, replace one attempt to convince with a concrete act of love your spouse values. Pray for him or her by name every day, without announcing that you are praying.

To talk about

What can we do together, believing or not, that brings us closer and respects each one’s conscience?

Prayer

Lord, you know my home and you love my spouse more than I do. Take from me the hurry and the weight of converting someone. Make my life a gentle and true witness, guard our peace and work in the time only you know. Amen.