No bitterness
A teaching for husbands · Colossians 3:12–19
12Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, clothe yourselves with hearts of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. 13Bear with one another and forgive any complaint you may have against someone else. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14And over all these virtues put on love, which is the bond of perfect unity. 15Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, for to this you were called as members of one body. And be thankful. 16Let the word of Christ richly dwell within you as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. 17And whatever you do, in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him. 18Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.
Context
Colossians 3 describes the new life in Christ as a change of clothes: taking off anger, malice and lies, and putting on compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Only after that does Paul speak to the household, in short sentences for wives, husbands, children and fathers. The order matters: the instructions for the home are the wardrobe of v. 12 worn within four walls.
What the Bible teaches
To husbands, Paul gives two commands: love, and don’t be harsh. The second is striking. He could have spoken only of betrayal or aggression, but he chooses harshness, that bitter sourness that keeps piling up: the ironic comment, the impatient sigh, the punishing silence, the scowl the whole family learns to read. Marriages rarely die from a single blow; they die from daily harshness.
Where does this bitterness come from? Often from untreated hurts, from frustrated expectations, from tiredness that turns into irritation with whoever is closest. The remedy is in the verses before: “Bear with one another and forgive.” Forgiving isn’t pretending nothing happened; it’s deciding not to collect the debt with interest paid in bad moods. And v. 15 asks that the peace of Christ be the referee of the heart, deciding what stays and what goes.
Notice, too, that vv. 18 and 19 sit side by side. Neither spouse is given the job of policing the other’s verse. Each one answers to God for their own.
In practice
For three days, pay attention to your tone of voice at home. When you notice harshness, stop, admit you overdid it and start the sentence again calmly.
To talk about
Is there an old hurt between us that still makes our life together sour?
Prayer
Lord, I admit that sometimes I let tiredness and hurt turn into harshness toward the ones I love most. Clothe me with compassion, gentleness and patience. May the peace of Christ rule my heart and my mouth inside our home. Amen.